Learning to forgive an affair is important because it\’s so hard to do. Learning that your partner\’s been stepping out on you can hurt as much as a physical beating. One of the first decisions you will have to make is whether to break up or stick it out – but if you decide to stay together and made a serious effort to make it work, you may find your relationship much stronger and secure as a result.
Keep in Mind That You\’re Not to Blame.
Many people are very clever at deflecting the blame for their transgressions. Don\’t let this happen – cheating is a serious thing, and even though you may have contributed in some way, it was free will that drove your partner to cheat, not something you did. You can\’t eat your heart out – these things happen, and life goes on. Your partner\’s affair doesn\’t diminish your value as a person. Before you even consider forgiving your partner for the affair, you must first forgive yourself.
This Isn\’t an Opportunity for you to Gain Leverage
Don\’t think for a moment that you\’re going to be able to dredge up your partner\’s affair and use it in every argument to come – that way lies disaster. Count on it – at this point, your partner feels terrible about the affair. What good do you think it will do to keep bringing it up?
Analyze Your Feelings
If you can\’t get past those initial feelings of pain and betrayal, it\’s going to be impossible to forgive your partner. Of course your feelings are hurt – but how do they hurt? Are you angry? Do you feel humiliated? Or is it more a feeling of betrayal? How about just \”all of the above,\” and more? Understand how you feel by drawing out your emotions and examining them.
Again, don\’t use this as an excuse to blame your partner or look for strategic advantage in future arguments. The point here is to examine how you feel, not try to figure out who\’s responsible. If it\’s necessary, go ahead and scream or cry or whatever. You\’ll get past that initial reaction sooner or later.
Obviously, reacting to the affair with mostly negative emotions doesn\’t do anyone any good; hopefully, you\’re now at a point where you can focus clearly and concentrate on growing together and moving forward.
Have a Heart-to-Heart Talk
It may be difficult, but it\’s got to be done. In a quiet place with only you and your partner, have a frank and open conversation about why the affair happened. Such things that cause so much pain are difficult to discuss, but you won\’t be able to grow as a couple unless you\’ve done so.
You need to find out why the affair occurred if you want to get past it – so have a civil, adult-type conversation about it. Knowing how each of you felt about what the other was doing may help you to be more considerate of each other in the future. How did you feel about the affair when you found out about it? How did your partner feel? The truth may be painful, but more painful is not knowing. Reconciling after an affair is a very mature, adult course of action to take. Don\’t ruin it with immature behavior like name-calling and finger-pointing.
You have the chance now to make yourself a nice, happy relationship, or you can prove you were right. Make your choice. The problem is, if all you do is keep emphasizing that you were the victim, you\’re signaling that you\’re not willing to acknowledge that anything you may have done contributed to the problem. These are some to the elements of good communication – not just raising your voice louder and louder until you\’re certain your partner heard you.
Make a Relationship That Neither of you Will Want to Cheat On
After you and your partner have talked things through, it\’s time to make a plan for going forward. If you understand what led to the affair in the first place, you can agree on how to avoid such situations in the future. Likewise, you need to agree on ways to improve your communications. You can\’t just commit to maintaining the same relationship that your partner just cheated on. You\’ve got to commit to a better relationship, one your partner won\’t want to cheat on.
Few challenges jeopardize a relationship as much as cheating, and learning to forgive it is also a challenge. This unhappy time can be left in the past if the two of you will devote your time and energy to moving on and forging a new life together. Like all good things in life, it\’ll take some work and commitment, but working together you can rebuild your faith in each other and your life together.
If you found this information helpful and you want to learn even more ways to move on after an affair, check out: healing infidelity and forgive an affair.
categories: healing infidelity,forgive an affair,infidelity,affairs,cheating partner,relationship adivice,society,culture,dating
Related Blogs
- Rick Ross – The Boss ft. T-Pain | You Tube Videos – Collection of …
- Terry Heaton's PoMo Blog » Blog Archive » Another opportunity lost
- MissInfo.tv » New Music: Keri Hilson “Breaking Point” (Prod By …
- Photoshop: cheating or art? | Doe Deere Blogazine
- Commentary » Blog Archive » Time Magazine's Slander of America
- Reference List Length and Citations: A Spurious Relationship « The …
- Is a Cheating History a Deal Breaker?
- Perk Comments On Shaq For First Time Since Signing | Boston …
- Relationship Perspective: The Old Joke About the Drunk and the Car …
- Facebook launches Places with foursquare as a partner
- Does Hypnosis Work To Relieve Pain?
- Mitek Siezes an App Opportunity: Enabling Your iPhone, BlackBerry …
- Court challenge to Domestic Partner Registry
- Nicolas Anelka Enjoys Comedy, Cannot Be Fired – World Cup Blog
- All Souls named Partner of the Year by TPS | Tulsa Beacon
- Local students pip the English » Community » Education » News …
- Shambhala SunSpace » Mindfulness for pain and “FOMO”
- Company life insurance rate increases earnings at AMP | Seedol.com
- Reference: New Edition of Oxford Dictionary of English Has Been …
- President fully entangled in 9/11 Mosque affair. | RedState
(out of reviews)
(out of 7 reviews)
